So far, all that's left me, left without much explanation. I guess it's just me, that's causing everyone to slowly leave. i hate how it's just.. me.. to be such an emotional and insecure and sensitive and bipolar and whatevernegativewordyoucanfindinthedictionary guy. For now, we're probably seperated and unable to talk as normal or even converse anymore, and yea, i guess you're more torn that i am. Haha.. i can't stop thinking back about the promises we made, the places we said we'd go together in the future, the things we planned to do, every little thing, the smiles, the quiet moments when it seems like we could understand everything just through eye contact..

I told myself, 'hey, as long as she's happy, y'know, in her life and whatever that can help her to succeed and stuff, i'm fine with it'. Yea, i'm fine with it, but i just can't get over myself or the fact that i'm losing my best friend just like that. I dont know what happened, it just happened overnight. Have you ever felt that feeling where, someone would just leave and leave you hanging? that lost, confused state of mind. I might pass off as being selfish, desperate or pathetic, but, i don't see what's wrong with explaining my thoughts. I wish i was one of those people who could just bottle everything inside and always put a smile on my face so that people wouldn't tell or know a single thing. But this has been occupying my mind the whole day, just walking around looking aimlessly at the floor and shizz.. everytime my friend says your name, i think back about everything.

I remember when we first met, and all the 'first times' we did something. That, to me, was the saddest part. Why'd you have to go like this, why does everybody have to leave me this way..

To you if you ever, ever read this:
Hey, i'm sorry for everything. I just want you to know that, whatever it is, if one day, you ever need help from me, or just want to be friends once again, i'm always here alright. I'm sorry that all this had happened, and i didnt mean it. I didnt mean to be who i am now, or in the past, too. Thanks for the memories, smiles, pains, and laughs throughout this whole period. If this means that you'll be better at everything and you're happy, hey, by all means, i'm fine with it. Jiayou, alright? I know sorry wouldn't change a thing, but its just, i don't know what else to do now. I can't let you and this matter off my mind no matter how much i try, and i dont know why.

To #2:
Thanks, for always making my day, no matter how much i've shunned you in the past or how much i've done whether to you or something else for that matter. I dont know what to say.

I need to go to the beach by the waters and just, let it out. Would someone care to go with me? My tears have dried, and all i can do is shout my heart out and drink it away.

I should probably go wallow in a pit of self pity right now, but i've done enough of that. I'm done here. I don't wanna think about it anymore, but i can't. Thanks everyone else, who's been trying to cheer me up and all that support. I guess i just need time to chill, and some time to get over myself and let go too.