i dont know what's gonna be the title for this post

I haven't blogged in such a long time. Today was really, really really reallyyyyyyy excruciatingly tiring-ly horribly terribly.........wait for it...............wait....hot. Singapore's just too hot, y'know and then you get all that 'pressure' or whatever it's called, stored right there in your chest and then it goes up to your head and every other part of your body that has to do with or affect the moods. But i'm glad it's already evening and the night's hopefully gon' be colder for abit. Yesterday was just awesome, caught 'The Dark Knight Rises'. First part of it was just philosophical shizz and stuff that most people won't understand if they didn't watch the movies before this one, which i personally did, but forgot what happened. And Bane's voice was just, so hard to hear, and half the time i was reading the Chinese subs to understand.
W
hatever it is, the movie was awesome, and it just keeps you on the edge of your seat, and that quote 'A hero can be anyone. Even a man doing something as simple and reassuring as putting their coat around a young boy's shoulders to let him know the world hasn't ended.' struck me pretty much. good movie overall, on par with the Avengers in my opinion or maybe even better, go watch it guys! :)

I just thought i should share something too.
'Things can get as nice and simple as talking about all kinds of stuff over a drink or a meal. that's if, if you want it to. because you control your life.'

People don't destroy you, you, and your mind, does that job. Keep hold of yourself during bad days, and be happy. Moreover, there's more things to look forward to than the number of things to be sad about, and each day only gets better with time. Chin up, homies. The thoughts and memories that haunt  or hurt you, don't belong in your mind in the first place.

'When you're feeling down, 97% of people ask for the sake of asking, 2% of them are curious, and 1% of them truly care. Don't bother.'

-Anders

Goodnight, my dear best friend. Regret nothing when I am gone in the morning when you wake up, 'cus everyone's gotta leave someday, somehow.

So, i'm just here to talk about how people come and go. Y'know when someone just leaves in a blink of an eye, and never comes back? I just felt that, couple'o days ago. It hurts doesnt it? just left to wander and think about what's going on. And you start to take trips down memory lane, where you just so happen to just walk in the park where you and that particular person who left, used to walk together to somewhere. And you start to feel lost, and start thinking about all those memories, and there, infront of the crowds of people in the park, you just feel like breaking down, you seem like your head's in a mess, and you don't know what to do. You think about them so often, till you get lost in your own thoughts

Friend: 'Hey, sup bro?'

You: 'oh um..hey..yea?'

Friend: 'You alright man? you dont seem so good'

You: 'yea im fine, wait..what?'

And then you just feel so bipolar, you know, you're mixing around happily with your friends, till the thought of that person strikes back into your memory and head again, and your mood just goes down all the way to the centre of the earth. That's just what happened. I fell in love with my best friend, and it came all the way to this stage, where it was torn to bits, and pieces. Y'know, if we were to ever know each other again, let's call that fate. People who leave dont return to you so easily, so if they do, i hope they do, i guess we have to improve on what mistakes have been committed before.

Right now, im a bipolar mess. One minute happy, the other, i just feel so fucked up and lost for words. i dont know man.. People leave, and i guess that, people are leaving me slowly, one by one. it's just, when?

Peace out.

So for the past few days, i've just been trying to forget you and us, but apparently, im not doing very good at it.

Random times in the evening and at night, you've been appearing in my mind, your smile, your laugh, your hugs, just, the times we spent together. I miss all of that, but i know i'll never get any of it back. I might visit memory once in awhile, but i don't wanna live there. Some of the words you said to me, the things we did, like watch the stars in the night sky, just appeared in my mind. Sigh, happiness only lasts awhile. I need to appreciate everything while i still have them, and so should everyone of you reading this.
It's sad how i still keep that post-it you gave me, and all those small things we kept and exchanged with each other. Right now, i just hope you're strong and going, and i guess i should pick myself up slowly but steadily too. Everyone leaves, its just when, how, and why. Sometimes people just leave unexpectedly, they don't leave you a note, or anything to tell you, till you realise like, 'hey, she/he's gone, what the fuck bro what do i do?', and that's just too late when you start to think back and miss all that stuff. This post is probably rubbish but, yea, i hope you're reading this, or that you'll read it. I'm sorry.

So far, all that's left me, left without much explanation. I guess it's just me, that's causing everyone to slowly leave. i hate how it's just.. me.. to be such an emotional and insecure and sensitive and bipolar and whatevernegativewordyoucanfindinthedictionary guy. For now, we're probably seperated and unable to talk as normal or even converse anymore, and yea, i guess you're more torn that i am. Haha.. i can't stop thinking back about the promises we made, the places we said we'd go together in the future, the things we planned to do, every little thing, the smiles, the quiet moments when it seems like we could understand everything just through eye contact..

I told myself, 'hey, as long as she's happy, y'know, in her life and whatever that can help her to succeed and stuff, i'm fine with it'. Yea, i'm fine with it, but i just can't get over myself or the fact that i'm losing my best friend just like that. I dont know what happened, it just happened overnight. Have you ever felt that feeling where, someone would just leave and leave you hanging? that lost, confused state of mind. I might pass off as being selfish, desperate or pathetic, but, i don't see what's wrong with explaining my thoughts. I wish i was one of those people who could just bottle everything inside and always put a smile on my face so that people wouldn't tell or know a single thing. But this has been occupying my mind the whole day, just walking around looking aimlessly at the floor and shizz.. everytime my friend says your name, i think back about everything.

I remember when we first met, and all the 'first times' we did something. That, to me, was the saddest part. Why'd you have to go like this, why does everybody have to leave me this way..

To you if you ever, ever read this:
Hey, i'm sorry for everything. I just want you to know that, whatever it is, if one day, you ever need help from me, or just want to be friends once again, i'm always here alright. I'm sorry that all this had happened, and i didnt mean it. I didnt mean to be who i am now, or in the past, too. Thanks for the memories, smiles, pains, and laughs throughout this whole period. If this means that you'll be better at everything and you're happy, hey, by all means, i'm fine with it. Jiayou, alright? I know sorry wouldn't change a thing, but its just, i don't know what else to do now. I can't let you and this matter off my mind no matter how much i try, and i dont know why.

To #2:
Thanks, for always making my day, no matter how much i've shunned you in the past or how much i've done whether to you or something else for that matter. I dont know what to say.

I need to go to the beach by the waters and just, let it out. Would someone care to go with me? My tears have dried, and all i can do is shout my heart out and drink it away.

I should probably go wallow in a pit of self pity right now, but i've done enough of that. I'm done here. I don't wanna think about it anymore, but i can't. Thanks everyone else, who's been trying to cheer me up and all that support. I guess i just need time to chill, and some time to get over myself and let go too.

5th March 2012, G'day.

Wow, just wow. Time passed just really fast. It's been like 5-6 weeks that've gone by? :)
Well, went out with her, Roshan, Nusrah, Haziq, Faris and Jessica, to celebrate Roshan's birthday yesterday, although i wasn't really invited :X yea and we went on to the danceworks stuffz.
Met her at White Sands along with Faris. Pretty long wait, but i guess it didn't really matter.

Faris: 'eh look behind, is that her? that black spotted shirt girl?'
Me: 'where? where???'
Faris: 'aiya lets go'


Saw her, wow, really just, wow. My heart skipped a beat, like, two beats maybe, actually i don't know 'cause i don't count my heartbeat. With her eyeliner, /step emo/.

Took a train, down to Vivo, met Haziq at Bedok platform where he got on. Yea, and we met the rest. The two girls talked and talked, and we lost sight of them, but in the end they were at the toilet.

Went up, down, left, right around vivo, and got ourselves something to eat. Did i mention she punched my pelvic bone area, bloody hell HAHAHA. I think she punched me at alot of places alrd.
We went on to the fourth level where the 'water area(?)' was, and sat down, Faris and I soaked our feet in the water, while she was camwhoring with the other girls.
She joined me later on and the feeling's just, undescribable, esp. the time after that, walking and bus-ing, i just felt, so...happy. haven't felt that in a long while. oh well, sure was a fun day, and i hope she enjoyed it too :) sent her back, and yea, pretty much the end of the day :)

Signing off,
Anders. :)